The first step in facing the grieving process for the death of a child isgiving time to time. As Thomas Aquinas explains, the passage of months mitigates all suffering and, at first, the pain feels more. So much so, that during the first days after the loss of the baby the pain can be so great that it prevents you from getting out of bed.
On a physical level, it is also positive rest more in a moment of sadness, to have a good diet, to be in contact with nature, to breathe fresh air, to seek silence, to enjoy a relaxing bath ...
Despite the pain, life goes on. Therefore, in order to face the grieving process after the loss of a baby, the appropriate thing is to continue with the daily occupations, and find a motivation in the day to day. For example, supporting you at work can help you get ahead. Try to concentrate one hundred percent, even in less rewarding occupations, such as ironing or putting the washing machine. It is good to have your mind occupied with something that requires immediate attention so that you do not always think about a fact that causes pain.
On an emotional level, there is an exercise that can help you. Write a letter directed to your baby. It's about expressing your feelings in intimacy; You can talk to him freely, tell him everything you want ... And then, keep the letter in a place that gives you peace of mind. You can read it again whenever you need it.
Try to give a concrete meaning to your own pain. This is the practical advice of Logotherapy created by Victor Frankl. To the extent that you give meaning to a feeling, you also feel better because you have hope. For all those people who have lost a child it can be very helpful to read a book, ‘Relive’, written by Mercé Castro. On the other hand, you can also create a personal blog, from your own experience, to help all those who have lost a child. The effort to give hope to others also gives it to you.
Throughout the nine months of pregnancy, most couples buy everything they need to welcome the baby: cradle, Moses, baby bottles, clothing... In that case, think what you want to do with everything you've bought. If you think that it will bring you very bad memories, you can donate it to an association or give it to a friend who has just had a child. But, of course, you can also store everything in the storage room when you can use it in the future. What you should not do is leave the baby's room furnished as if it were a sanctuary because then the parents are stuck in the past.
At a time like this, you should respect your own space more than ever; Therefore, when you need to be alone, you can go to your room and clearly tell your partner, do not interrupt or pass you calls. Also turn off your mobile phone. In a situation of these characteristics, think that your life is not reduced to that specific fact and make an effort to remember all the good times you've lived, the people you've met, cultivate optimism ... For this, I recommend the book ‘The art of not embittering life’, by Rafael Santandreu.
How to tell the news to the brothers
When a couple loses a baby, young children also notice sadness. How to talk about death to a child? Always give information based on your age. Do not saturate it with data, give it a few details, find a good time to talk to it, and use metaphors to explain how a human being is dismissed from this world.